Lessons in Home Management

Job Title: Mom
Shift: 24/7
Most Active Hours: 7am-9pm
Duration: 18+ years for initial training, ongoing triage and supportive care availability for eternity.

Description: Growing and training of children: including, but not limited to daily nutritional provision and functional mortal maintenance, teaching basic life skills and body movement (gross and fine motor), speech development, attitude and behavior modeling, essential gospel teaching, principle understanding, and spiritual maintenance, world awareness, and positive social involvement and interaction training.

Additional Duties: Upkeep of home and surrounding yard, including plants and animals. Weekly food acquisition and preparation, including daily meals. Coordinating schedules and support of home members. Organization, sanitization, and general cleaning of various rooms and family equipment (ie: toilet, bathtub, sinks, mirrors, windows, oven, stove, microwave, sink, dishes, floors, counters, etc.)

Back-up and shift coverage may be requested when necessary.

Expected days off: Never*
*Minor breaks can and will be provided--typically not exceeding more than 5 hours in one day, or 3 days in one month. Vacation events and illness may necessitate exceptions with added assistance from family members and friends. 

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MY STORY

I have maintained the belief for a long time that having great managerial and business skills is just as important inside the home as out. I find that many don't make this connection and generally consider these realms to be completely separate. But I've learned, and seen it proven, that if you can lead a team of employees, you can lead your home team as well. I mean, we've heard that positive feedback, the sandwich method for constructive criticism, and building unity and reward systems are some of the best ways to get your team to work at a maximum level on the job, but people are people! (tiny or grown) and if you want success at home, you run it like you would a great business. (but with more hugs and feelings)

The trouble is that when you go to a job--even a full time one--you can fake it for a few hours. You can hold a lid on the rage-meter and keep from screaming and yelling at your coworkers. Some people can't even make it that long... But in general you have adults interacting and hopefully understanding that they are there for work; trading time for money. When you're with your home team it's a constant dance of motivation and coercion, all-day-every-day, without lunch breaks, shift ends, or full days off. Plus your team members have not yet learned emotional control, the nuance of tact, or the skills to even open a banana for themselves.

I LOVE my job, but I'm not always very good at it. Parenting is one of those "sink or swim"/"throw you into the fire" kinds of jobs. There isn't a whole lot of training (although you can take some theory courses and read basic instruction manuals beforehand). Practical application comes when you hit the ground, and then never stops. It's one of those really cool, bizarre, and super stressful experiences that comes with mortal life.

Thankfully most children start off sleepy as newborns, and then day-by-day add in new skills and talents (like being able to silently sneak into the pantry, climb up to a shelf to get the tub of brown sugar, and then hide behind the couch eating it with a spoon while you're just trying to take a pee.) << True story. That happened this week. The younger ones learn advanced skills from their elder counterparts, so you can expect more tomfoolery in advanced stages as the volume of your team increases over the years.

Yes, I could spin this around into how much I adore my children and how lovely it is to be a parent and how I wouldn't trade it for the world (because those things are all true!) but that is not the point of this post. ;) What I really wanted to document is how my perspective on running and maintaining a home is growing, and what we do that works, and doesn't work. Hopefully a) to look back on this in years to come and see how much we have improved, and b) so that I can pass along some ideas to others who might be interested. Every home situation is different, every family operates differently. I mean, the needs of a hardware store are not going to be the same as a cupcake shop. Every family team has different goals, different levels of income, therefore differing in building layouts, management intensity, and budgeting needs.

I'm not an expert. But I do know that I can always keep learning, and there is a lot that you just learn on-the-job as you go along. Many ideas I get from other moms and dads: observing what works and what doesn't, seeing ideas online, people giving us suggestions, although trial-and-error seems to be the number 1 guide to what really works for our team. Here are some of the best things I've learned so far.

Lesson No. 1
THE MORE PREPARED I AM FOR THE DAY, THE BETTER THE DAY GOES

Kids can sense stress and (just like all people) they feed off the leader's emotions and model the behavior they see and feel.

The biggest and most important thing I've learned so far about home management is the importance of taking care of myself. It's like when you're in an airplane and they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before your child's; it's not because you're selfish, it's because to really be available to care for others, you need to make sure you have your life in order--otherwise both of you can suffer.

If I'm not getting enough sleep, feeding myself good food, and getting showered on a regular basis, I get hangry, stressed, cranky, and feel gross. It makes me feel less happy and energized to take on the kid's challenges and help model patient behavior and dissuade their tantrums. I have learned especially over the last year that there are things that help me function at a way higher level, and it's not SELFISH, it's SELF-CARE. I exercise more, practice yoga regularly, try to get out of the house so that I don't feel stuck inside and get cabin fever. I *try* to keep a regular sleep routine of 10pm-7am. I've also learned that I need to wake up and get myself started for the day before the kids wake up. Otherwise it's like the roller coaster is off and away before you've fully sat down and gotten buckled. No bueno.

Long story short, I am doing a few more things for me and owning that these things are important. It's great to be defined as a mom; it's the crown and the children are the jewels. :) But there is still a divine daughter of God underneath the crown, and it's not going to work for anybody if she is forgotten in the work of polishing the gold.

I've also learned how to be more realistic about our time. It takes us at LEAST 45 minutes to get out the door for anything. Between going potty, getting shoes on, stocking the diaper bag with snacks, water bottles, clean change of clothes, diapers, wipes, tissues, sunscreen (and anything else that we may need), plus gathering the keys, possibly a grocery list, shopping bags, books to read, and any last minute tasks, just going somewhere can feel like a chore. Then you have to keep everyone focused on the walk from the door to the car, and hope it doesn't take 15 minutes to get everyone cooperatively in their seats and buckled.

When I even think that we might possibly be going somewhere that day, I try to get snacks and the diaper bag packing done around breakfast. Then I get myself totally ready and my own things gathered before I even mention to the kids that they need to get dressed. This way I can focus all my attention on them. I start getting us ready an hour before I actually think I need to, and that way if anything slows us down, we have a buffer time built in. Those days have gone a million times better when I can let the kids get themselves independently buckled into their carseats, and I have room to slow down and eat a snack before we drive off. The more prepared I am, the better the day goes, and EVERYONE is happier :)

Lesson No. 2
HAPPY TEAM = HAPPY HOME

Just like any great business, team morale needs to be boosted and maintained. This is something we are currently struggling with. But, I work hard to do fun things and keep us balanced with activities during the week. For instance, last Saturday we took a family trip to the Jelly Belly factory on Jon's day off work! Mini day trips are better for us right now than huge vacations. It breaks up the month in a nice way.

I also try to keep things fun around the house and work on new projects, whether it's sprucing up the kid's room, or hanging new artwork, there is something nice about coming home and feeling like it's cozy and personal. :)

We started teaching the kids the articles of faith during Family Home Evenings, and I felt like it would be best to have a laminated picture illustrating each one that we could hang up. We wanted to put them on one of our living room walls where the kids would be reminded of it, and also so we could review them again throughout the week. When I couldn't find anything I liked online, I decided to draw my own. It's been really fun for me to make some drawing time, and the kids get excited now to see which one comes next!

The kids really love to help with this stuff too. I enjoy incorporating them into helping around the home, because it's teaching them the value of taking ownership and making it personal:

It's like when the kids spend their time and creativity building a Lego castle, and then someone comes to knock it over. They get so upset because the Lego castle was their creation! It's always easier and more fun to take care of something when you've worked hard for it.

Lesson No. 3
PLAN FOR SUCCESS

One of the best things we have implemented over the past 12 years has been meal planning. This is a multi-layered system of communication and prep work. And it didn't happen overnight! In fact, it is still growing and only in its intermediate stages. I have some great plans for our meal planning in the coming year. :)

Years ago we started with the typical paper and pen grocery list and tried to think of ideas together at the beginning of the week for what we wanted to eat, and then grocery shopped based on what we already had in the house, so that we could keep the trips to the grocery store down to once a week. (Jon being in college and me working two jobs meant that our chores needed to be kept at a minimum. Plus we liked grocery shopping together, so we always made it a once-a-week event.) Ah, I remember the days back in Provo when we would walk together to Smith's and then carry all our bags home in the evening snow. :) Gradually our needs changed, and we developed better systems and ideas for maximizing grocery shopping efficiency. A lot of the changes had to do with dietary needs and exclusions, and also learning more about nutrition, balance, and food storage. I also got tired of forgetting things at the store, or not being thorough enough that I had to run back again during the week just to make dinners. Also, losing my lists, or just not checking everything in the pantry to make sure we had lunches and breakfasts for the week. Meal planning is not just for dinners! Now it has evolved into this:

A laminated grocery list on the left is color coded into sections of the grocery store: Produce, Dairy, Bulk, Canned Foods, Packaged Foods, Frozen Foods, Cleaning, Paper Goods, etc. We mainly shop at WinCo, so the consistency has worked out well. We use the wet-erase Vis-a-vis markers to check things off the list each week. This is SO handy because it has everything we regularly buy in a typical month. For instance, I can run down the produce list and find suggestions that I may not have thought of to check on my own. "Oh yeah, we need zucchini this week!" It also prompts me to check each drawer in the fridge and each shelf in the pantry so that we don't accidentally run out of beans, or think we have an avocado when we actually used the last of it with breakfast. I rarely come home after grocery shopping and realize that I missed something that I should have added to the list. Paper also isn't wasted because we just erase the marker each week and start over. win-win-win!

On the right is a laminated meal plan for dinners of the week. This full-size sheet is relatively new. We have always listed out weekly dinners, but now this list is more clear and has more options. That way everyone knows what the plan is for dinner, and that these dinner choices will have all the necessary ingredients available at any given time that week. Part of this has been because we have 5 adults living in our house, all with different schedules. It is so much nicer to know what to expect rather than getting to 6pm and wondering what we can scramble together.

Lesson No. 4
PRIORITIZE AND OWN IT

Another thing we're working on is our daily homeschool chart.

I'll be honest: we're not using this yet as much as I thought we would. I feel like the majority of my day is just trying to make food, clean it up, keep the kids from fighting, and get a shower or bath done here and there.

This is something I've already learned, but seem to keep needing reminders of: you can't do EVERYTHING well. Either you're going to get a sewing project done, or you're going to have a great well-rounded learning day. You can't do both. You're either going to have an awesome day of bonding with your kids, or you're going to be personally productive and the kids will be cranky and/or watching a movie. If the kids are helping, your day is going to run a little slower, (and might feel way more rewarding!) but something has to be sacrificed. And that's ok! Priorities are huge.

Every day I consider what my priority is, and then I own it. For instance, I really need a project to get done that I'm getting paid for, so that day the kids are going to be playing on their own a little more, and I probably won't get the bathroom cleaned or the dishes done. Other days I put off the budget and organizing my room and instead we go to the park and meet up with great friends for a few hours and then work on craft projects.

All can be great days! But no individual day can include everything done at 100%.

It's really easy to look at my to-do list and feel disappointed about all the things that didn't get crossed off. But instead I'm trying to look at what I DID accomplish and be proud of myself for that! Every day that I can get out of bed and hug my children is a great day. :)

Lesson No. 5
NEXT MONTH WILL BE DIFFERENT THAN THIS MONTH

What works for us right now will change in a month, in a week, or even sooner! Being adaptable and willing to adjust is a skill that I'm still working on. Once I get a system working pretty well, I find new ideas, encounter new challenges, or just have to throw it out all together and start over. Everything is a constant work-in-progress. But I'm finding that is an eternal lesson. Sometimes it's frustrating to feel like things won't just stay working well for a few weeks, months, or years; we update our grocery list flow and dinner system every 6 months or so, the budget gets updated and new savings goals are set every month, or we might get all organized and moved in to a home over the process of a year or two, and then have to find a new place to live again. But the more willing I am to embrace the change and look at it as an exciting opportunity to family growth, the more positive it is for everyone in our team.

Being a family co-leader is hard work. Sometimes there are many co-leaders around to help, and sometimes I'm flying a little more solo. But the biggest tool of all is communication. The better everyone understands what the goals are, the greater the family team can work.

I'm reminded constantly by the spirit of Elder Ballard's talk from the April 2016 General Conference on family councils. Jon and I have tried to work more regularly on our own councils together (check-in time, couple's inventory, whatever you want to call it) and it's not always consistent or easy. We're also trying to pray together a lot more with the kids, and especially as they are getting older I incorporate them into making our to-do list for the day and sharing their ideas for family plans.

Elder Ballard says, "Combined with prayer, a family council will invite the presence of the Savior, as He promised: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” (Matthew 18:20) Inviting the Spirit of the Lord to be part of your family council brings blessings beyond description."

I think we could all use more of the peaceful Spirit of the Lord in our family home management! Family councils are such a great way to make sure everyone is communicated with and on the same page. Just like a department conference or weekly team meeting at work, a regular team briefing at home can give everyone a chance to voice concerns, make suggestions, and be heard. This is a skill that I'm hoping we can continue to improve on throughout the rest of this year to really strengthen our family and make us more adaptable.

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I am sure there are many more lessons ahead, but I am thankful that I can take the time to recognize what I have been learning so far. Parenthood is definitely the greatest work in the Universe.

Thoughts

I thought that last year would be our most blogged year of all time!
We even signed up for a real website domain name (www.TheAlstonFamily.com)

But it turned out to be our LEAST blogged year yet. A lot of that was because our Year of America didn't come with quite as much battery power and internet access as we originally expected. :/

I've also relied a lot more on Instagram and Snapchat this past year. They tend to be faster, and I can share photos at a glance versus spending a lot of time uploading and waiting for blog posts to publish.

There is a lot that I miss about the blog journal, though! It's always been a fun record of the kids and our family adventures in a storytelling way that you can't really save in other ways.

All that is a way of me saying that I've missed the blog and will work harder to make more time for it. :)

In the meantime, February has kept us quite busy preparing for Beth and Derek's wedding, which was last weekend!

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. McDonald!

We had so much fun celebrating and hope we'll continue to have a lot more fun pictures and things to share soon. :)

Updates on the Kids

Normally I'm pretty good with regular updates on the kids. But this year I haven't reported on their milestones since March!

Thankfully, I keep track of things I want to remember on my phone. Here are some of my favorite memories of Kate and Wynn over the past 8 months :)

Kate turned 4 in August and has been a sassy whirlwind of independence! She weighed 30 lbs and was 38.25 inches tall at her 4 year check up.

Kate has lots of cute quirks and "Kate-isms". For instance, she says "thank you" to automatic soap dispensers when she is washing her hands in public bathrooms. ;)
She is very loving toward our family (well, as long as she is getting her way) and gives us all hugs and kisses often. One of my favorite things she says is, "Daddy is MY friend! He’s my little boy.”

In the fall our ward at church had their annual Primary Program which Kate got to be part of as a Sunbeam! (the 3-4 year old class) She was the only one in her class to not say her part in the microphone (even though we had practiced it all week) and she even turned off the sound from the main microphone control switch during another kid's part! To top it all off, she laid on the floor instead of sitting in her chair, and she spit over the front of the stand onto the carpet in front of the whole congregation. I was so glad that we invited all our friends to come see her ;) hahaha - we really got a good laugh out of the whole thing! I guess it's all you can do, right? ;) Manners in public are something we're working on...

During our road trip in August a lady came into the public restroom where I was helping Kate. The lady laughingly described Kate as precocious. ;) I think that sums her up well.

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Edwin is growing up so fast! He is 3 months away from his 3rd birthday, and definitely does not feel like much of a baby anymore. (Aside from the fact that he still sucks his thumb and takes his blankie with him everywhere.) Edwin calls bedtime “dark time”, and even when we put him down for naps during the day he says, “but it isn’t dark time yet!”

He loves giving Margo bones and treats. Edwin speaks extremely well for his age. It’s nice to hear his thoughts. I think his mind processes the same way any 2.5 year old’s would, but he is able to articulate it so well. It’s really nice to hear his thoughts out loud.

Edwin loves to climb up on rocks and ask me to take his picture! Oh, and that shiner under his right eye in the picture above? Is from when he walked into the corner of our kitchen table. :'( ouch!

Wynn is very creative and loves to sing and work on art projects. For Halloween we decorated pumpkins and ghosts for our living room window. He took his glitter glue application very seriously!

Edwin constantly cracks me up with his imagination. The other night he walked down the hall into the living room where I was writing in my journal, and he was using his little lion toy like a telescope. He looked at me and I said, “Hi, Edwin!” Then he turned and ran down the hall yelling, “Kate! I think mommy is not a monster! She didn’t growl at me!” ;)

Kate and Edwin are great little buddies and get into all sorts of mischief together. 

They are also great friends to others. When the Bakers came from California to visit us in September, Kate took Cole by the hand to show him around the Rexburg Temple grounds :)

She also wanted to push Cole in the stroller around BYUI campus as much as possible!

One of my MOST favorite things about having a 2 and 4 year old is hearing their conversations together:

Kate: “Do you want to touch my little fuzzies on my arm? They’re so cute!”

Edwin: “I have little fuzzies on my arm too!”

K: "Mommy has big fuzzies! But she doesn’t want to have fuzzies. Daddy has fuzzies. His fuzzies are SO big.”

K: "Hey Edwin, do you want to touch my ears? My ears are SO cute!"

K: "Daddy, why doesn’t Edwin want to touch my ears? Maybe he thinks they’re beesgusting." (She means disgusting, HAHA!)

**To wrap things up, I'll leave you with these quiz questions I asked the kids in October:

Me: Edwin, what is your name?

E: I don’t want you to tell me something! (he means I don’t want you to ask me questions, mom.) ;)

E: Can I make funny faces on snapchat?

Me: How old are you?

E: But I want to do funny faces on snapchat!!

*I decided to give up and try again after breakfast*

Me: What is your name?

E: uh, peanut butter . . . 

Me: How old are you?

E: 2 like this (trying to hold his fingers up)

Me: When is your birthday?

E: uh, a big strawberry like this! (holding his arms out wide)

Me: how old is mommy?

E: uh, 2 like I am.

Me: what is your favorite color?

E: Purple

Me: What is your favorite food?

E: mac and cheese

Me: Who is your best friend?

E: Reese

Me: What is your favorite show?
E: Dragon Tales

Me: What is your favorite song?

E: temple song (I love to See the Temple) and Dragon Tales

Me: What is your favorite animal?

E: cows

Me: What are you scared of?

E: I’m scared of BIG strawberries!

E: *running away screaming because now he and Kate are playing that a big strawberry monster is going to eat them. They pretend Margo is the strawberry monster*…*I followed them and they ran back to the living room. They see Margo and start squealing. I finally asked Edwin what makes him happy, and he answered: Margo.* J

Me: Where is your favorite place to go?

E: I like parks!

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

E: I want to ride on trains! (Me: you want to be a train driver?) E: NO! I want to RIDE on a train. *hahahaha, touche.*

Same questions to Kate:

What is your name?

K: Kate

How old are you?

K: 4!

When is your birthday?

K: August

How old is mommy?

K: 6!

What is your fav color?

K: Red!

What is your fav food?

K: pisghety (spaghetti) with meatballs! 

Who is your best friend?

K: Olivia!

What is your favorite show?

K: Dragon Tales!

What is your favorite song?

K: Snoopy the snoop snoopy. He’s the puppy. *they had been watching a lot of “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown”*

What is your fav animal?

K: Elephant! What the grief! I LOVE elephants!

*hears Uptown Funk playing on the radio and starts dancing…* “hey! This is a great song!”

What are you afraid of?

K: monsters! (said with a growl)

Where is your favorite place to go?

K: Parks J

What do you want to be when you grown up?

K: an arf! (Me: what is that?) K: a costume. For Halloween. (well. There you have it.)

No Secret

It's no secret that I haven't blogged regularly in months. I thought that while we were on our Year of America road trip I would post every day. HAHA. Not even close.

Pumpkin Patch 2016

When we got back to Rexburg after three weeks of traveling this Summer it was pretty devastating. Idaho definitely didn't feel like "home". In fact, it didn't feel like much of anything at all. It was really surreal being back in the potato state.

Fall semester hit us hard with Jon working two jobs, teaching more classes at a time than he ever had before, and serving in a young single adult ward on campus, which meant that he was out of the house for an extended period of time each of the 7 days of the week.

Meanwhile, I was depressed. I didn't want to tell people how bad it was, because I'm a very private person. I worried about judgment, criticism, people not understanding, people asking questions, etc. The list goes on and on. I held everything in and just got bitter and more frustrated with myself and everyone around me. I started going to see a counselor and also took medication. Little by little my small team of supporters helped me chisel away at the roots of my problems. It felt really uplifting! Not like a major night and day change, but just that it was good to have a direction and feel like I was making some sort of progress and finding clarity. I kept at it, tossed around some ideas, and tried to be in the moment and find joy with one thing at a time. "This week I will have joy in crafting with my kids for Halloween!" "This week I will have joy in traveling to Connecticut!" Small victories :)

After Connecticut, but before Halloween, our family plans drastically changed. I have been apprehensive about this Winter in Idaho because last year I got cabin fever really bad. After weeks and weeks and weeks of relentless grey and grey and grey and snow and snow and snow and grey, I hated Rexburg. Which makes me so sad, because I LOVE Rexburg. But I couldn't stand the grey skies and the grey streets and the grey cars and the grey people and the grey life that makes you feel like your life will be devoid of color forever. Yep, by March I was sure I would never ever escape and experience the beach or green grass under that pile of grey ever again.

Things warmed up, Spring came, bike rides came, our road trip came, and Summer was beautiful!

 

The snow this year has held off (which a friend reminded me is evidence of God's love for me) and all the way through Thanksgiving we had blue skies and dry ground! (COLD. But dry.) Only the last 3 days have been snowy. It's a fall miracle!

But the point is that I have been scared of this winter. I have been scared of how I would feel, and even though I CHOOSE to be happy and do happy things, sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. The depression comes and I feel out of control of my own emotions. I did not want to feel that way again.

Add to that my intense anxiety of bad weather that I've had since we moved to Idaho. I couldn't handle driving in any sort of snow or rain, or HECK with dark grey clouds overhead. All my errands and grocery shopping and errands had to revolve around the weather. Which in the winter basically means I can't even bring myself to go outside. It was really a downer.

Why am I telling you about all this? It's definitely not for pity. And I'm usually a VERY private person. I have always wanted to share the positive, focus on the good, and, YES, live up to the expectations of how I knew people saw me. Nobody said to my face that they expected me to be perfect, but when friends and strangers alike say things like, "You always have it all together!" "I didn't want you to see my messy house or tell you what I was going through because your family is perfect." "You are the mom I want to be!" and "I don't know how you do it!" I would just say to myself... "Wow, they see things that I don't. I can't let them down."

But if there is ONE thing that 2016 has slapped me across the face with, it is the fact that WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Many times people will say, "Heavenly Father knows your struggles and what you're going through." And I believed it, but I also felt like, "Well that's great, but Heavenly Father can't sit on the end of my bed and talk with me and give me feedback. Yes, we have prayer, but I still feel alone." I wrote in my journal, I talked to Jon, I tried to reach out to a few people... kind of. But it was a half-ass attempt, because I didn't really believe it would help.

Well, the second half of this year has surprised me majorly. I understand TRULY how much Heavenly Father IS aware of our struggles and what we are going through, and he puts OTHER PEOPLE in our path to be ministering angels to lift us up and help us know that we are not alone. I have felt the spirit in my life through friends and family in the past two months than I ever have in the rest of my life. And it's because I couldn't take it anymore. I cracked. I asked for help. And I shared. And then I shared and I shared some more. I was honest. Even embarassingly honest. And you know what? There are other people who get it. I didn't get judgments, I got love.

Things are far from "better". This is just the beginning. But I'm feeling healing. This week especially has shown me how much we all need each other. We ALL need each other. I can't believe how many people I have found this year who NEED to talk. Who NEED to feel listened to. Who NEED to know someone else will not gasp and mock and judge them. And they all feel alone. They all feel crazy. They all feel like no one will understand, or that they will get kicked out of school, or that they will let people down.

We've created quite the perfectionist society for ourselves.

But if we only knew what the person sitting next to us was struggling with or needed to hear or was dying to talk about, then we would see equals, we would see broken hearts, we would see love. And I wish I could shout to everyone that, "We will all make it through together! We CAN all make it through together! We can make it through life with friends, with love, with compassion, with the spirit of God, and with peace! We CAN. In fact, we CAN'T make it through WITHOUT one another." But we don't believe in ourselves enough to try.

Maybe it's a lofty goal. Or maybe it sounds like everyone sitting in a field with flower crowns singing Kumbaya. But I can only start change with me.

So here I am. Opening up. And letting you know that you're always welcome to talk to me about anything. No judgments.

On Having It All Together

On Monday I was particularly well put together. The kids were dressed, Kate's hair was braided, I did my own hair and makeup. We went to run errands and both Kate and Wynn fell asleep by the time we parked at the first store. Everyone caught a little nap ;) MUCH NEEDED.

I went to the grocery store with my laminated grocery list, my own shopping bags, and remembered the ergo carrier so that I had Edwin on my back and Kate in the cart. We eat vegetarian and make most things from scratch, so my cart is usually full of items from the bulk section, lots of produce, and the few snack items I buy are non-GMO fig bars or natural fruit leathers. This just happened to be a really well put together day.

At the checkout there was a young mom in front of me. She didn't have her kids with her at the time, but she commented to me that it was brilliant to wear your toddler in the store because that way they can't run away from you and it's less likely that they will cry while you're shopping. True that, sista.

At WinCo you bag your own groceries, so by the time our food was up on the conveyor belt, I went to the end of the counter to start loading up our cart, and the young mom and I continued to chat. She said that she admired me for having my own bags and even said, "This sounds so judgmental, but when you walked up and I saw the food in your cart I thought to myself, 'she probably brings her own bags, too.'" We laughed it off, but I told her that she just happened to catch me on the one time a month when I actually REMEMBERED to put the reusable bags in my car. I also mentioned that I had been married 11 years, so the grocery shopping system she was witnessing was a LONG developed project for our family. The other mom had been married for 7 years and has three kids (one is 6 months old). She laughed that maybe eventually she would get to the organized healthy food system. She even told me that she was buying groceries for her own mom that day, so her shopping trip was double the amount she normally has to handle. This other mom was in workout clothes, still looking adorable, and clearly busting her butt to keep up with her family needs.

As my neighbors can attest, my attire usually consists of pajamas and workout clothes. I am DEFINITELY not the health food, environmentally conscious mom I'd like to be all the time. HAHA. There are plenty of days when we throw up the white flag for the day and pick up Little Caesar's pizza or Taco Bell for dinner. Mondays are my longest days (because it is grocery shopping/errands day) and it's usually a miracle if I remember the kid's shoes and water bottles heading out of the house, let alone have myself in any sort of state to look presentable in public. This just happened to be an exceptionally good Monday.

But this was the Monday that the other mom saw. She saw a mom who was dressed, with makeup done, baby wearing, had a cart full of healthy food, a grocery list organized by aisles of the store, and her own reusable bags. The other mom was doubting herself and her capabilities, and her worth.

As we stood there bagging our groceries across from one another I just looked straight at her and said, "I just have to tell you that you are doing GREAT. I'm so impressed that you have three kids and that you're also buying groceries for your mom. That is clearly a lot to keep up with and juggle on any normal day. And if you do want to eventually bring your own bags to the grocery store or eat differently, just pick ONE thing a week. And if you sew, you can also make your own tote bags out of scraps. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, and it won't all happen overnight. But you're doing awesome already!"

She smiled and said that was so good to hear. She does sew and thought the scrap bags sounded great! But more than that she thanked me and said she just needed to keep that in mind: pick ONE thing at a time. One thing a week to work on can make such a difference. :) I headed toward the exit before she was done loading her cart, but I wished her a happy rest of the day, knowing I probably would never run into her again.

As I drove home, my day felt uplifted. That was so kind of her to acknowledge that she felt like I was doing good things. It was a boost to my confidence in kicking Monday's butt. But even BETTER was recognizing that we are a human family. I was not about to look down at this mom who is ME 90% of the time. I thought about social media and perceptions and how she only saw 1% of my entire life there are the grocery store, but I could tell it weighed on her. Comparison can be so easy and so dangerous. I was glad that I could tell her that she was doing better than she thought she was. I was glad that she told me her thoughts (even if she felt silly) so that I could tell her we only started eating better within the last two years, and that I hardly ever remember to bring my bags to the grocery store. In the end I felt like I had a made a friend. I hope she knows how much she meant to me just by being there at the same time at a WinCo in Idaho on a Monday afternoon.

I'm so grateful for teachable moments and spiritual lessons that can happen in the most unlikely of places. "Having it all together" is not all it's cracked up to be. ;)

Exercise

I have never been a runner. In fact, I always sort of prided myself on hating exercise.

At the beginning of this year, though, I felt a very strong push to be more physically well. I didn't make a New Year's resolution to work out every day, or anything like that (because that never works for me), but I started by seeing a chiropractor for the first time, getting some massage therapy, had some other stuff taken care of, and went to the dentist again (which I hadn't done in a couple years). I was motivated all around to get in better health. I was tired of having problems and not feeling great. I was tired of my back aching and pulling muscles when I would pick up the kids. Little by little I am figuring things out and setting goals and making plans. Each month it seems I have tackled something new, and I am seeing some great results and feeling better about my direction. I have even tried to get outside more, as much as possible! The kids and I go on long walks and just stay in the sunshine as much as we can. Rexburg winter really hit us hard this year. The cabin fever struggle is real.

Exercise was still in the back of my mind, and I had reached out to a friend who is a Beach Body coach and asked about her routine and joining 21-day fix. I wasn't worried about losing weight, but I knew that I wasn't in shape, and after having 2 kids I just felt squishy. I wanted to feel toned and physically fit so that I could keep up with my kids and myself. We talked about options, but we didn't have money in our budget to start a workout plan. I know that exercising really doesn't cost anything, but sometimes it's hard to be motivated. By yourself. In an apartment with toddlers.

Then in May I was informed that I had severe depression.

Does this look like the face you would expect for someone with depression? I didn't.

This is not something that I have taken lightly talking about, because I didn't want to seem that I was "just another person" talking about their depression or using it for attention. Believe me, it is not that at all. This wake up call was not something that I was expecting, but also wasn't completely surprising. I've always been a pretty introspective person, but this made me reconsider how I was approaching my life. This year had started off with me trying to take care of my body and help it run as naturally as possible, so I felt again this big push to tackle exercise.

I decided immediately to start working out like I hadn't done in years. At the peak of my life's physical shape (age 17-18) I was in marching band, spent the fall season as drum major, and had taken weight training. I really took my health for granted. After high school I stopped working out completely because I was working full-time (not that this is a good excuse) but I coasted on my petite build and great metabolism.

Off and on over the years I have exercised here and there, but never totally consistently. I found a great love for yoga, and I do ride my bike in the summer. (Believe me, pulling kids in a bike trailer is no easy task!) But I've just never caught the workout bug. I watched my friends doing Cross Fit and marathons, and just thought, "They are so inspiring! But that is not for me."

Now, exercising has become a great outlet. I have even woken up early to go running before Jon leaves for work, or before we go to the temple. Who is this girl??

Our apartment community has a great workout room, so I'm able to have some alone time in the morning while Jon is with the kids before work. I started by running for 30 minutes. I took it slow and ran a 15 minute mile. I'm pretty sure my fastest 2-mile time in high school was 16 minutes, so I realized that this was sort of pathetic, but the point was that I was doing it. The next day I did some weights. I combined my exercising with listening to some awesome Christian rock like Five Iron Frenzy, and it was amazing how the combination of working out to beat my depression combined with uplifting and positive music became an incredible spiritual experience.

When I beat my distance goals today by running 3 miles, I did a fist pump in the gym! It felt amazing :D Since I knew the record break was coming up, I put on Cake's "Going the Distance" for the last couple minutes of my run, and I felt pretty rad. ;)

Then I had this CRAZY idea that I could run a half-marathon. Let me tell you, running in a marathon is something that I never ever wanted to do. Ever. Not interested. I even own a book on "non-running". I am very serious about it. But I thought that maybe working toward something crazy that was totally not my natural inclination might be really good. So...

I have seen my friend Morgan Joyner run in the Tinkerbell half-marathon at Disneyland before and have loved her posts. It became a goal burned into my mind that I would do this. Because it was a sacrifice. Because working out had suddenly become my way to beat Satan. I was going to round house kick him in the face with this marathon. The ladies-themed marathon weekend in Disneyland happens every May, so I had exactly a year to reach this goal. I decided on the more realistic 10K (also because that race is on Saturday, vs the half-marathon run on Sunday). It's definitely happening!

I've been working out now for a couple months and seeing some great results! Of course it is hard to work out for a few weeks and not see the 6-pack I was expecting ;) haha, but seriously I'm already so pleased with how I feel about my body, realizing that this is a long term adjustment and a slow climbing health goal.

When I started:
Plank 30 seconds
5 lb weights
15 sit ups
Run 15 minute mile

Now:
Plank 2 min
12-15 lb weights
40 sit ups
Pilates/ab workouts
Run 9 minute mile
Longest distance so far: 3 miles!!!! (farthest I have ever run at one time)

I even rewarded myself with some "new" workout clothes from D.I. ;)

It's a long process, but I've been happy to get started, finding my comfort zone and pushing myself a little bit. The main goal has been consistency! I work out every day except Sunday, for at least 30 minutes. Usually I do stretches and warm ups with sit ups/abs and planking. Then I lift weights for at least 15 minutes every other day (mostly small sets to work on my arms/shoulders) and then I do the elliptical or treadmill for 15-30 minutes.

I have also found that certain music is way better for me to workout to than others. Relient K is a huge favorite. I also am still enjoying Five Iron Frenzy, but "The End is Near" has always been my favorite album of theirs (not live, prior to the double release combo of The End is Here-which is also good), so I find myself listening to it on repeat. Some days I sprinkle in a little non-religious music like Arcade Fire, Cake, or Coldplay, but I have found myself just so much more motivated when listening to songs that remind me of WHY I am doing this in the first place, that I just go back to Relient K the most (they have a good album spread on Spotify).

While that is probably more than you really wanted to know about my exercising experience, I just wanted to share in case it helps motivate someone else who has been in my position. I never loved seeing others post pictures of themselves at the gym everyday, but now I get it. I feel so pumped and I'm actually sad if I miss a day or two. It's been a huge milestone for me, and an enjoyable experience that I never thought I would have. I can't wait to see where I am next May in Disneyland!